(Can we just start with this before I continue because not only is it extremely relevant but it's probably one of the funniest things I have ever seen...)
Today was a busy week for me; I had two gigs in a row (one was utterly disastrous, whereas the other had me slightly annoyed for reasons I will get back to later), and I'd just like to bring up the topic of gig etiquette which has been present in both events and is something I'd like to discuss further in maybe the longest gig review you shall ever read.
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Firstly I shall warn you that the issue of gig etiquette might be a little hypocritical in this circumstance but, whatever, u suck.
Let's begin with Vampire Weekend on Wednesday (13th November). It was quite the catastrophe if there ever was one. It was a casualty to end all casualties. It was just tragic. Not the actual performance, of course; Vampire Weekend were utterly amazing. But more on that later. It all started during the support act, the annoyingly cheerful Noah and the Wale. They were thoroughly enjoyable (and oh my actual God I didn't know the lead singer is
that hot??? Jesus Christ???), despite only knowing that twee '
L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N.' tune.
During their set, I didn't know what it was at the time, I felt a bit blerrrrrrh. You know, you get that bloated-y feeling in your stomach and you just want to close your eyes to make the pain in your head go away? Yeah, I had that. And I felt like I needed to spit, so I did, and the spit wasn't spit... It was a teeny tiny bit of chunder. Luckily, no one around me even saw so my friend, Hannah, and I rushed out of that crowd and the O2 staff gave me a lotta water to drink. I did feel a lot better and maybe thought it was a case of dehydration (the only gripe I now have with The O2 and other such venues is that you're not allowed to bring your own drinks inside. Like??? What??? No wonder you have so many tragedies in the crowd).
So we wormed our way back through the crowd. Admittedly, we did push our way through but, in all honesty, that's what you do at gigs. If you're going to be a dick about it, that's what seating is for. Obviously we ended up in the wrong place and with the wrong people surrounding us. This one woman was going off on one about people who push because everyone around us was pushing. She just wouldn't shut up so I, always thirsty for an argument to prove just how good I am at them and unknowingly not feeling very well, turned around and said to her "you know what? This is a gig. Pushing is what happens at gigs. If you don't like it, go to the back." And she, obviously not very good at arguments, started saying things like "yeah I've stood here this is my place, I've been going to gigs since I was sixteen, yes people push but it does it make it right? People murder other people, does that make it right?" Like, are you actually serious? Of course I continued arguing my point until I just gave up. During all this unnecessary bullshit, this American cockheaded dickweed of thirty-year-old man was being so rude to me. Literally so rude and so nasty, it was actually unbelievable and I do not wish to repeat his words.
Gig etiquette scenario one: is it okay to push at the standing area of concerts? Yes. The answer is always yes. Unless your shoving is actually putting someone in harm, do it. If you're uncomfortable with it, that's literally the reason why they have seating areas. You cannot expect to go to a gig, especially something like Vampire Weekend where people are going to go crazy, and not have people pushing. It is in no way bad etiquette to be pushed out of your space. If you can't handle the heat, get out of the freaking kitchen.
Then I it all started flooding back to me and I felt blurrrghhhh. I had to bend over and put my head down. The woman asked me if I was okay and I would like to take this chance to make a formal apology to her because she was actually probably a really nice person, she was just being quite annoying and I was clearly not feeling well and didn't realise I was being so rude. I said to my friend Hannah "I'm going to be sick" and turned around and (aiming it perfectly, I'm so proud of myself) chundered right there on the man's shoe. Instead of shouting at me and calling me disgusting, like I feared they would, everyone around me just went "awwwww bless", like they genuinely felt sorry for me I thought that was so nice? Well, almost everyone. I had to get out of there quick and so I ran away and didn't care who was in my way. That American man, with the most grotesque breath I'd ever had the displeasure to come into contact with, actually started clapping. I was livid. I turned quickly on my heel and shouted "WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SUCH A FUCKING DICK?" and pushed my way out of the crowd. Apparently after I'd left, he told me to go fuck myself and everyone around him started shouting at him, saying how dare he talk that way to a teenage girl. Ha, ha, ha *flips hair off shoulder*. But maybe I shouldn't be talking shit about gig etiquette when I spewed the contents of my stomach out onto a crowd, which is probably pretty low down on the list of accepted concert behaviour.
I never really cared for The O2 before: I always thought it was too big, too expensive, and just so impersonal. Yet again, as with jarring woman #1 earlier, I have judged too early. I am so impressed with the level of professionalism and kindness of the staff at The O2. They treated me so well and were with me every step of the way, from the nice man who gave me water and and someone to help me further, to another man who stayed with me and chatted to me about how much he loves Vampire Weekend, and to the two medical workers who made sure I was completely okay and accompanied me to amazing seats. Massive big up to everyone for their hospitality.
After I threw up twice more in front of the bar in between crying my eyes out, they took me backstage where I got pretty much VIP treatment and got to exchange hellos with Noah and the Whale before throwing up
again. The medics confirmed there was nothing wrong with me and I probably had some kind of food poisoning from that wretched Nando's (not like it's going to stop me from going there again or anything). Then I hear the start of '
Diane Young' and I physically feel my heart break. I plead for them to get me back in there because if I miss '
Unbelievers', I may possibly curl up and die. Nice medic #1 promised me he'd get me there, and that he did and I am eternally grateful.
I got seated in section 112 (if you don't know The O2, that's the best section to be seated in) and I sat in the second row of the section, and the seats were incredible. I probably had a better view there than if I was stood in the middle of the crowd. I had the greatest time just jamming along in my chair (unable to stand up as I'd probably faint/throw up again).
And to get to the main point of a gig review, Vampire Weekend were absolutely, positively incredible. Their sound is infectiously sunny and each member's personality shines through in their own unique way through their instrumental and vocals. Props to all of them to sounding exactly like they do in the studio as they do live. Though, to me, it was always an odd choice for a band like Vampire Weekend to be playing a venue like The O2 and I worried whether they'd be able to fill such a capacity but their sound was nothing less than magnetising in the arena.
They definitely have earned the reputation of one of the most effortlessly stylish bands around at the moment. The stage - consisting of a pretty floral background, white Grecian columns, and a Snow White-esque mirror - was decorated with lazers and looked sensational. Lead singer Ezra Koenig rocked a Tom Cruise in 'Top Gun' style jumpsuit and sunglasses, and looked so effortlessly cool. He switched between a beautiful collection of guitars, while bassist Chris Baio did the same with, well, basses. I was also dazzled by Baio's booty-popping dance moves. Impressively, Rostam Batmanglij made easy transitions between vocals, keys, and guitar. Highlights of the set included my favourite Vampire Weekend song ever, 'Unbelievers', with it's iconic pumping bassline as well as the haunting 'Hannah Hunt' and colossal anthem 'Cousins' which sent the crowd into madness. Maybe the one single criticism I could give the New York foursome is to take more of a command with the crowd, and demand them to be captivated. But who am I to tell them shit.
(Yes, I got all those pictures from the #vampireweekend tag on Instagram. Fucking sue me bitch.)
Also, I emailed my teachers that night telling them how I'd been violently ill, embarrassingly humiliated, and would not be coming into school the next day and this is their reaction. Can you believe I actually have teachers like this?
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With a less dramatic story, the next day I stayed at home to rest as I thought the not-very-likely-to-form-a-mosh-pit crowd of teenage girls and middle-aged parents at Gabrielle Aplin would be less forgiving than the likes of the Vampire Weekend madness. Luckily, I was not sick at all but I did find another example of terrible gig etiquette.
This here is an example of my obstructed view throughout the entirety of the gig:
Gig etiquette scenario two: why, why, why on Earth would you wear your hair like that to gig? I honestly do not understand. I'm all up for wearing your hair up, as sometimes it gets in other people's mouths and that's really freaking gross. A small bun is fine, a ponytail is even better, but you are purposely making it that big. Do you not realise that absolutely no one behind of you can see past you? I do not have a gripe with tall people at gigs, because why do they not deserve to be as close to the front as they want to be, but you are consciously making your hair bigger than it already is, and by doing so bloody well hindering my view and making me into a grumpy little shit.
Unfortunately, I only got to see the top of young singer-songwriter Nick Wilson's head during his opening set for Gabrielle, though I was very fortunate to have been able to hear it. He opened with a unique cover of John Lennon's '
Jealous Guy' and sang a multitude of original songs, along with another cover of Kodaline's '
High Hopes' (as an opening act, two cover is
always the way to go). I've since downloaded his debut EP '
Darkest Hour' which is incredibly impressive and well-worth a purchase. The only totally annoying thing about his set, and it's always the same when the audience is littered with teenage girls, is the girls in the crowd were so patronising it was painful. He couldn't even get a word in edgewise without a chorus of "AWWWWWWWWWWWWW" or someone shouting out "YOU'RE SO CUTE". Not that he probably minded anyway;
I just found it extremely annoying (I'm turning out to be such a snob hahaha).
Gabrielle Aplin's '
English Rain' was one of my favourite debut album of this past year, especially as I've been a fan of her music for ages, so it was one of the gigs I was anticipating most. Her set opened with an extended intro to the incredibly underrated '
Keep On Walking' which turned out to be her most forceful live song and a definite highlight. After hearing the efficacious percussion with the foot-stomping strumming onstage, it has shot to the top of my favourite songs by the twenty-year-old songstress list.
She, like Vampire Weekend, also had a stunning stage set up with a subtle yet effective light show, a fake bush sprouting with artificial flowers to decorate her little keyboard, and a glittering disco ball to create the illusion of falling snow. Shepherd's Bush Empire had never looked so beautiful.
Her voice shined the most in emotive ballads like her next single '
Salvation' and the moving '
How Do You Feel Today?', but was also strong in upbeat fan-favourite '
Panic Cord' where she rocked the electric guitar. Her impeccable vocals were not the only thing that shined; her 'sad' songs (as she would prefer to describe them as) were surpassed by her cutesy, shiny personality as she chatted to the crowd between songs and cheekily messed around with her band members.
Another surprising aspect of her set was the cover of '
Wrecking Ball' by girl-of-the-moment Miley Cyrus. It wouldn't really be that hard to be better than the original, but dare I say, it's far better than any of the other multitude of covers I've heard of the song.
It was lovely to hear the crowd sing along to her hit singles such as the splendid summer folk-pop anthem '
Please Don't Say You Love Me' and the encore of one of her biggest tracks '
Home'. This proved just how much her popularity has grown from being the girl who sang in her bedroom, to being the girl becoming viral on YouTube, to the angel-voiced girl with a certified gold debut album who sells out Shepherd's Bush Empire. Pretty amazing if you ask me.
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